Why is Personal Growth Important?

To me, personal growth is why we are put on this planet. It is the reason for living! There are some that tell me they are too busy, or they are happy with who they are today. Could that simply be excuses, fear or avoidance? It is good and fine to like who you are. But if you have no intention of growing or changing, that means you are stagnating and decaying. Those are the choices we are given; growth or decay.

Personal growth includes so many different aspects of life. It includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And every little morsel counts. Even as in the picture, teaching a child to fish. There is learning, growing, caring, sharing, listening, interacting; all part of growing. As we grow as individuals we raise the bar for our species. We set an example of what can be. Who doesn’t want to do better? Who doesn’t want more peace and happiness? There is no happiness in lying, cheating, hoarding, judging, apathy and so on. So choose to find ways to do better than that, to rise above.

Many feel like they are in overwhelm and don’t know how or where to begin. It starts with the smallest of choices. Choose to do something kind for someone else and/ or yourself. Notice their reaction, notice how it makes you feel. That is what makes it easier to go on and do more.

• Open a door.
• Say thank you.
• Offer someone else to go first before you.
• Make a healthier food choice and notice the subtlety of how it affects you.
• Do 5 minutes of slow belly breathing and quiet your mind.
• Take a 5 minute walk in nature.
• Listen to music that moves you, and maybe even try dancing to it.
• Choose more positive media to expose yourself to.
• Clean out a drawer, a file, your car…..
• Ask someone how they are and truly listen with your whole heart.
• Give someone else the benefit of the doubt. Until you have walked in their shoes, you can not know if you would do better.
• When in judgement, ask yourself, is it possible that …  And consider at least 3 potential reasons or scenarios to broaden your perspective.

The very exciting thing is when you can see a business or organization that realizes this importance and promotes it from within. The potential for creativity, happiness and abundance becomes limitless. Like attracts like, so you become a magnet of all that is good. When difficulty does arise, view it as a positive challenge, a puzzle or mystery to be solved. Do this for yourself, promote it in your workplace.

Growth or decay – what is your choice?

Healthcare – Mastering Patient Relationships

Image via Wikipedia

In dentistry, there are many CE courses about practice management and case presentation. I am certain it’s similar to any other profession. yet along the way there developed an attitude that seemed more detrimental than facilitative. The seminars are presented in such a way as to say that you are a fool not to do these things. That some of these ideas are legal requirements and you will lose your license if you don’t do them all. Some will even try to humiliate or embarrass you that you may still be practicing the ‘old’ way and are less than professional. I started hearing suggestions such as:

• only present the best treatment option, you have the education and you know best what should be done
• dismiss the patient if they don’t follow your recommendations
• weed out the patients least likely to follow through to make more room for those that will
• almost everyone has periodontal disease and MUST go through treatment
• you need to charge for every move you make
• there were guidelines as to how to best satisfy the insurance companies requirements
• there were many additional services that could be added on
• how to coerce the patient into accepting treatment

While reading this list, it is possible for some to not see a problem with it. After seeing a few of these courses, and being uncertain enough to consider these suggestions, I could feel in my gut that it was not right for me. In fact, it made it glaringly apparent that these ‘new’ ideas felt less than sincere in my practice. Thus I developed my own ‘new’ guidelines that would lead to improved relationships. Patients have a built in crap detector and they sense when things are not what they should be. They migrate toward honesty and integrity. Here are the improved guidelines:

• never assume what someone wants or can afford, always ask and then listen
• present options; treatment plans are best co-developed between the practitioner AND patient
• have the courage to present the best treatment plan – even if it seems crazy expensive – you may not know what their resources are and it is their decision to make
• listen, listen, listen
• do not pressure anyone unless it is a life threatening situation, and then only to be certain they are informed so that they can make their own decision
• honor patients choices, we all have different priorities and who is to say what is right or wrong
• when a patient presents with a budget limitation, it is legal and kind to think outside of the box for a temporary measure to try to buy them some time
• be a patient advocate, try to make sure that they have all of the info that they require
• try to be of assistance to patients in any way possible
• we are all equals, none higher or lower
• never assume, always ask if they would like assistance or  what their decision is
• clarify and ask to be certain you understand them

I have to say that work has never been better since following my own intuition rather than the ‘absolute’ that was being promoted in classes. Work is enjoyable and a pleasure. How about your work? Do you find it enjoyable? Do you have certain standards by which you operate? Desperate times can tempt desperate actions. Be careful to always stay truthful and respectful. As soon as you start blurring the lines, things will go south.  It takes great courage to stay the course if your livelihood is threatened. Be creative and look for solutions that you can live with. You will be glad that you did!

Healthcare – Cooperation Awareness …

I just returned from vacation with a nice aha moment. My brother was giving me a little ribbing about him having so many more pics on my computer than I did. I like to take pictures, especially with family. And then the aha came to me. We were on vacation and there is only so much time to work with. Brother is excellent with the pics, so that became his contribution to the week. I didn’t feel the need to do my own also, would have felt a little paparazzi like. So my contribution was assisting with the cooking and cleaning. I can do that, I like them both, it was a good fit. It was more efficient, it made sense. When that played out in my head, c-o-o-p-e-r-a-t-i-o-n flashed before my eyes.

It fits in so many scenarios. At work, at home, on vacation; with coworkers, children, spouses, relatives…. You don’t need to do it all. Just find what you are good at and add that to the group effort. It also points out that it is important to ‘recognize’ this cooperation in a successful group effort. It doesn’t work to try to make someone do what they don’t love. It doesn’t pay to complain that so-so doesn’t do this or that. You either ask for their assistance, or encourage what they do love to do. You will see how the group can flourish as they co-op-er-ate; to work or act together or jointly for a common purpose or benefit.

Don’t forget to think big picture here. This also works in communities, states, countries, religions, politics, nature, industries, sports, you name it – it is essential!

Focused on Giving or Getting?

Yesterday I had a patient share a wonderful life lesson that I found truly inspirational. This lady had just retired. She told me that she had dreamt about having a cute little red sports car, a fancy house, travel, … Then she said she had done some volunteer work overseas that changed her perspective and her life. She said that once she saw the way that many other people were living, she felt guilty  for having 2 bathrooms at home. And from there her passion to volunteer abroad began as a seed and is blossoming beyond her wildest dreams. She joined a small local group that basically adopted a rural community to help overseas. During the year they are fundraising for different projects, and then they follow up by going over to assist in set ups and find what else is needed. Her real story was that she used to think about everything that she wanted to get, and now all she can do is think about what she can do for this other community and she is loving every minute of it!

I love this story and think it has a lot to teach us all. When you can think beyond yourself, you can grow in magnificent ways. Perhaps everyone’s pursuit of material things with no end in sight is really a pursuit of finding something bigger than themselves that gives their life real meaning. You can also promote this by example in your life and see how it inspires others. In the healthcare field, this type of thinking can inspire you to go the extra mile. Every day presents so many opportunities for giving. Each person you meet, consider is there any way that you can help them beyond what is typically expected within your job. Is there anything sweeter than the satisfaction of having helped another?

“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.”  Albert Einstein

“There is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving.”  Henry Drummond

“Giving opens the way for receiving.” Unknown

Do You Assist, or Insist?

Over the last weekend I thoroughly enjoyed a day with my siblings and parents doing yard work at my parents home. I actually enjoy chores and tasks done in a group setting. Projects don’t seem so overwhelming, you get to see results faster and I enjoy the camaraderie. Throughout the day and weekend I noticed a recurring theme, which I have been noticing and questioning with my patients also.  I am fascinated by how frequently people with illnesses, conditions or injuries do not want to give in to them. If there’s a way, they can be pretty creative as to how they will still get things done.

From my observances I can see both pros and cons.

Pros:

• maintains self esteem and independence
• gives the person purpose, they feel needed
• good exercise
• it’s their life and their decision

Cons:

• potential  risk of injury, relapse, or even death
• boredom, apathy, depression
• loss of mobility and balance from lack of movement
• those trying to do the assisting feel ‘guilty’ if something bad happens, as if it was their fault. Where does that come from – responsibility? control? fear?

What do you as a boss, coworker or family member do? I like the idea of offering once, and then respecting their decision as best as I can. It’s their life, their body, and isn’t it an infringement to force your opinion if you differ? When you really get down to it, can’t you picture some people who would rather die trying, rather than giving up their independence? On one level – I find that an impressive show of the human ‘can do’ spirit! I also think it can be a blessing and an amazing life lesson for someone to learn to accept help when it is needed. Not everyone gets there, and it’s best done by their choice, on their time line. Myself included, society can be pretty determined to care for others, to the point of not being welcome, to the point of being insulting and creating an adversary.

In closing, I think as a whole we can work better on the assist, rather than the insist for our own personal comfort. It will be difficult at times, until we relinquish our control over someone else’s decisions. And then it will be freeing, knowing that we honored their choices. Also known as  R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪♪♫

The Gift of Validation

So simple – and yet forgotten. We are a crazy busy society like a busy little beehive. Trying to squeeze so much into every little moment, too tired to even care for ourselves. People seem on autopilot running here and there, barely having time to say hello or ask “how are ya?”. Along with that ongoing busyness you can develop an ongoing cumulative deficit of attention and validation. It can suck the life out of you and leave you running on empty.

Along with the running and the lists, people have forgotten how to make eye contact. Just notice as you go throughout your day how many people no longer make eye contact, or when they do how awkward it may seem. There was a time where it was considered common courtesy along with an acknowledgement of ‘hello’. Today try making an effort of being the one to make contact, smiling and offer hello. Go the extra mile and listen to their story. That small effort can snowball into a movement. Some will be surprised – and then they will remember, “Oh yeah – we are all in this together, I matter.” And if you believe in Newtons law that every action has an equal or greater reaction, you will see it come back to you multiplied, making it so worthwhile.

People unite in the gift of validation – I see you………. I hear you!

Related links:

• Validation – short video
• Validation Starts With Us – blog post

Are You a Rescuer or Superhero?

Are you known as the ‘rescuer’ or superhero in your circle? Do you feel compelled when something goes wrong to be the one to help, to change, to rescue? This could be a very popular personality trait among healthcare providers – ‘healers united to save the world!’ You may find yourself doing this with any/everyone; coworkers, bosses, patients, family and friends… Stop and ask yourself is there a time when a rescue is not in the persons best interest? Maybe something like the parents that do everything for their child to the point that the child missed some very important lessons along the way? All of a sudden that ‘can do’ attitude doesn’t feel so good anymore.

This can be a difficult balance to find. I have found that a change in perspective can go a long way. When the next situation arises, try offering your opinion. Then step back and see what they do with it. No one has to be right so you don’t need to convince them of your perspective. You might even find yourself listening to their defending argument as to how they feel. Try putting your ego aside, so that you can truly listen and ask questions to help them dig deeper as to their motivations and their experiences, how it all comes together…. You don’t have to agree with them in order to understand how they came to their position.

Then walk away and bless their journey and yours as well. You may be in a position to know that you had the answers. And you also realize that they just might learn a much deeper and profound lesson by doing it on their own terms. People don’t always want to be rescued. Frequently they want to be right too. I think that when they do find their lessons, with true wisdom, they may even look back and see that you resisted telling them what to do. That’s a moment that earn you a lot of respect. Just like when the kids grow up and they look back to many of their mistakes and lessons. They realize that their parents were playing the supportive roles, allowing the kids to find their higher selves becoming even stronger brighter adults.

We’re all learning as we go, even up to the day we take our last breath. And perhaps those are some of our most enlightened moments. I suggest being grateful for your own lessons and respecting others journeys to finding their lessons. This new perspective surprisingly lightens your load and lessons your perceived responsibility. Once you try it on and practice it awhile, it’s a pretty nice place to be.

Does Your Opinion Have a Grip on You?

To be in the grip of an opinion means to be in the grip of your mind and mistaking that for who you are in essence.  – Eckhart Tolle

WOW – This is so true! I like to ask people if they are married to their opinions. It’s funny, yet it can put a little perspective on it. Just how important is it to you? Are you married to that opinion til death do you part? Or are you willing to step back and take a look at your interpretation of the facts? Would you consider that there might be more information than you were aware of? Some people get so wrapped up defending their opinion that they lose who they are by nature; curious and intelligent, strong and empathetic. They defend it so strongly that they take ownership of it and why?

How do we see this showing up in healthcare today?

-Look at general opinions regarding alternative or holistic healthcare. They have greatly changed for the better, yet there are some that will not even hear of it.

– In the work setting, are new ideas embraced or shot down right away?

– Do you make a judgement about a patient or client before getting all of the info?

– Do we respect patient choices regarding their treatment?

– When problem solving are we open to all options, or only concerned with our own?

I am not sure how this defensiveness came about. There seems to be this strong need to be ‘right’. What happened to we’re all in this together and that’s how we learn? All of the great leaders and inventors, they changed their perspectives all the time based on the new information that they were recieving. Without that, they wouldn’t have achieved their greatness and successes.

Always ask questions regarding other viewpoints and why? What are their experiences? Where did they get their info? You want to get outside the box! That is where the beauty is. That is where you are creative, evolving, and connecting! Open yourself up and feel the freedom of growth.

Steps to Finding the Middleground

It seems that lately many people are very passionate about their opinions and are quite certain that they are in the ‘right’. Have you run into that at work, with patients, family or friends? In this type of situation, I have found that it is really quite difficult to have a productive discussion on the subject at hand. But I have found something that does work quite well.

You see when someone is that committed to a subject, you have to be curious as to what makes them feel that way. People get all hot under the collar about issues for a reason, not because it’s fun or for gest. So my proposal is to start asking them serious inquisitive questions to explain what makes them so passionate or certain about their position. There may be many angles that you were not aware of or had not considered. As soon as you can learn more about the why and the how’s, the sooner that you can begin to understand their perspective. You want them to teach you what they know, how they got there, about their experiences. It’s all about putting yourself in their shoes, to try to see their perspective. That is where the magic happens.

You can start to empathise with them, or have compassion for their cause. When you can reflect that back to them so that they know they have been heard, they can then consider a conversation. Hopefully by the time you understand their perspective, you have a lot more insight as to whether you now agree with it, can find a possible compromise, or with your experience may have some info that you want to share with them. By staying calm, factual, and curious, leaving emotions at the door, your likelihood of progress increase.

At the end of the day, when people can not converse there is no progress. My mantra is that the Middleground will be our saving grace. And our heroes and heroines will be everyone that contributes to finding it. Every day we have the opportunity to listen, encourage and reassure people to move in that direction. I believe it can be done.

Enjoy the following quotes. They speak volumes of wisdom from across the ages.

---

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?  – Henry David Thoreau

Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.  – Rachel Naomi Remen

Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. ln those transparent moments we know other people’s joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own.  – Fritz Williams

---

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other’s behavior, we have no enemies.  – Marshall Rosenberg

Find Freedom Through Forgiveness

 

Forgiveness is never easy, but it is always necessary… When we forgive, we keep our minds full of peace, our hearts full of love and our souls full of joy.-Unknown

With the holiday many of you may be getting together with family. Does everyone get along? Or is there discord? If there is, does anyone know or remember the real reason for it? Chances are not. And, or if they did, it’s less likely that they would even fully understand it. It is amazing how a simple incident can trigger all kinds of hurtful feelings. And when you ball them all up together, the emotion that goes with it can be pretty powerful. Powerful enough to end a relationship with someone that you may have shared a lot of history with. Maybe even destructive enough to divide an entire family. How do you get past that?

Wayne Dyer is famous for suggesting that when troubled, ask yourself “What would God say?”  When I heard that idea I knew I had to try it. Now one obvious variable here will be how do you picture and know God or your higher power. For me, I picture Him as all loving and giving, there is nothing that He couldn’t understand or forgive. So from that perspective, when I hear something troubling, my thoughts go to wondering why would they say or think that? And from there, being empathetic, I can think of many different possibilities:

• there was a miscommunication  
• with their past experience they interpreted the situation differently
• there’s  something else really bothering them not even related to the matter at hand
• there can be cultural differences
• it could be based on emotions such as jealousy or guilt
• due to low self esteem it may be an attempt to get the upper hand
• the person might be afraid of revealing their weakness or a secret
• there could be many different fears motivating them
• they were overwhelmed by something else and just not attentive at the moment
• there’s many more that you could add here

Can you see that behind all of these motivations, the common denominator is that it might be about them and not me at all? I want to give them the benefit of the doubt before getting defensive. When you start considering the legitimate reasons that someone else could have for partaking in a disagreement, it gives you the opportunity to let your guard down and empathize. That allows you to contain or hold back your emotions, allowing clearer more rational thinking, thus increasing the probability of resolution. Best case scenario, the two parties are able to straighten things out and continue the relationship. Worst case scenario, could be that you can understand how the situation occurred and forgive them, but you may not be able to find a resolution. Even this can be helpful in allowing you to find peace and move past it. Discovering empathy and understanding will help facilitate your healing. Without it, you carry the burden and it taints your future. I have found much peace and freedom by doing this and I hope that you can too.

Related quotes:

The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  ~Mahatma Gandhi

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.  ~Lewis B. Smedes, “Forgiveness – The Power to Change the Past,” Christianity Today, 7 January 1983 

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.  ~Paul Boese