Healthcare – Iyanla Vanzant on Anger

Iyanla Vanzant just shared an amazing discussion about healing anger. Because it was so good I took some notes included below. I hope that you find something of value here too. When we heal ourselves then we can heal our lives, and also the lives of those around us.

Notes from Iyanla Vanzant on Super Soul Sunday

We have 2 primary emotions; love and fear. Anger is a manifestation of fear. And there are 4 primary fears:

• – fear of losing someone’s love or having your love rejected
• – fear of being helpless, hopeless or powerless; being perceived as weak or vulnerable
• – fear of losing control of self or others, what will happen or how will it happen
• fear of not being seen as valuable or worthy

We get angry because it makes us feel in control because we are afraid to go into the hurt. You are never angry for the reason that you think that you are. Rather than be angry, try going deep into the hurt to actually feel it and be vulnerable to it. That is how you go through the pain and can come out on the other side to find the love.

Whether you have been angry for a short time or many years, can you say that you are proud of the energy that you are putting out into the world/universe right now? If not, then stop and change it. Because the anger that you are feeling is about you and your past experiences, and how you perceive it all. You have the ability and choice to change that for the better right this very instant! Create what and how you want it to be rather than staying stuck in what you believe you did not have or receive. Doesn’t that sound really freeing?!

Sample story: A woman said that she had forgiven her father for abandoning her as a child. Iyanla said that work wasn’t done yet, because there was still judgement left in that statement. The woman did not know for certain the real reason that her father left her, perhaps God moved him on because he was crazy and would have done her more harm staying in her life. It is the judgement that she made believing that her father abandoned her that was actually causing her the anger and pain. So instead Iyanla suggested saying that “she forgives herself for judging her father for abandoning her….” .

The ego has many tools to keep us in judgement when the truth is that we are all just doing the best that we can. If she had known and understood her fathers reason for leaving, there may have never been any anger, there may have been compassion or gratitude instead. Examples of how our ego keeps us in judgement is our perception of:

• good or bad
• right or wrong
• should or should not
• fair and unfair

When you are feeling anger, take the time to go back and try to understand the reason for your hurt. Look at the 4 primary fears and see if you can recognize your fear. And is it really seated in that issue, or projected from a hurt that occurred even earlier than that? It’s about understanding you and not blaming someone else for what you are feeling.

Iyanla Vanzant has several books out, and every interview that I have seen her in has been simply eye opening. She has great wisdom and insight that can help us all move on to better lives. Thank you Iyanla!

Iyanla Vanzant on Super Soul Sunday

Why is Personal Growth Important?

To me, personal growth is why we are put on this planet. It is the reason for living! There are some that tell me they are too busy, or they are happy with who they are today. Could that simply be excuses, fear or avoidance? It is good and fine to like who you are. But if you have no intention of growing or changing, that means you are stagnating and decaying. Those are the choices we are given; growth or decay.

Personal growth includes so many different aspects of life. It includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And every little morsel counts. Even as in the picture, teaching a child to fish. There is learning, growing, caring, sharing, listening, interacting; all part of growing. As we grow as individuals we raise the bar for our species. We set an example of what can be. Who doesn’t want to do better? Who doesn’t want more peace and happiness? There is no happiness in lying, cheating, hoarding, judging, apathy and so on. So choose to find ways to do better than that, to rise above.

Many feel like they are in overwhelm and don’t know how or where to begin. It starts with the smallest of choices. Choose to do something kind for someone else and/ or yourself. Notice their reaction, notice how it makes you feel. That is what makes it easier to go on and do more.

• Open a door.
• Say thank you.
• Offer someone else to go first before you.
• Make a healthier food choice and notice the subtlety of how it affects you.
• Do 5 minutes of slow belly breathing and quiet your mind.
• Take a 5 minute walk in nature.
• Listen to music that moves you, and maybe even try dancing to it.
• Choose more positive media to expose yourself to.
• Clean out a drawer, a file, your car…..
• Ask someone how they are and truly listen with your whole heart.
• Give someone else the benefit of the doubt. Until you have walked in their shoes, you can not know if you would do better.
• When in judgement, ask yourself, is it possible that …  And consider at least 3 potential reasons or scenarios to broaden your perspective.

The very exciting thing is when you can see a business or organization that realizes this importance and promotes it from within. The potential for creativity, happiness and abundance becomes limitless. Like attracts like, so you become a magnet of all that is good. When difficulty does arise, view it as a positive challenge, a puzzle or mystery to be solved. Do this for yourself, promote it in your workplace.

Growth or decay – what is your choice?

Happiness – How to Get There!

Happiness – do we make it happen or does it find or just happen to us? I have seen several articles on happiness recently. I wonder if people give much thought to this?

The articles report that we do have control over happiness. A good place to start is considering where does it rate on your priority list? How far would you go to find happiness? Are you willing to occasionally say no? Would you turn down overtime at work? Would you simplify your life so you could make do with less? Does your house have to be perfect before you can relax? These are choices that we make every day that seriously impact our happiness quotient. And our chemistry, whether it is happy or stressed will directly influence our health.

Next take it a step further and when you have the time, be present. Schedule time with your favorite people. Lend a helping hand to someone less fortunate, or share a smile or a hug. Spend time in nature soaking up all of the beauty that surrounds you. Take good care of yourself, laugh, sing, move! Perhaps this is the true lesson for us to learn while we are here on this earth. Every day choices that create a joyfully exciting happy life.

Don’t forget that we migrate toward that which we set our attention on. Here are some excellent articles and sites to get you off and running!

The Happiness Project NY Times bestseller and website

The Happiness Experiment from O Magazine

How Trivial Decisions Will Impact Your Happiness  Harvard Business Review Blog