Why is Personal Growth Important?

To me, personal growth is why we are put on this planet. It is the reason for living! There are some that tell me they are too busy, or they are happy with who they are today. Could that simply be excuses, fear or avoidance? It is good and fine to like who you are. But if you have no intention of growing or changing, that means you are stagnating and decaying. Those are the choices we are given; growth or decay.

Personal growth includes so many different aspects of life. It includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And every little morsel counts. Even as in the picture, teaching a child to fish. There is learning, growing, caring, sharing, listening, interacting; all part of growing. As we grow as individuals we raise the bar for our species. We set an example of what can be. Who doesn’t want to do better? Who doesn’t want more peace and happiness? There is no happiness in lying, cheating, hoarding, judging, apathy and so on. So choose to find ways to do better than that, to rise above.

Many feel like they are in overwhelm and don’t know how or where to begin. It starts with the smallest of choices. Choose to do something kind for someone else and/ or yourself. Notice their reaction, notice how it makes you feel. That is what makes it easier to go on and do more.

• Open a door.
• Say thank you.
• Offer someone else to go first before you.
• Make a healthier food choice and notice the subtlety of how it affects you.
• Do 5 minutes of slow belly breathing and quiet your mind.
• Take a 5 minute walk in nature.
• Listen to music that moves you, and maybe even try dancing to it.
• Choose more positive media to expose yourself to.
• Clean out a drawer, a file, your car…..
• Ask someone how they are and truly listen with your whole heart.
• Give someone else the benefit of the doubt. Until you have walked in their shoes, you can not know if you would do better.
• When in judgement, ask yourself, is it possible that …  And consider at least 3 potential reasons or scenarios to broaden your perspective.

The very exciting thing is when you can see a business or organization that realizes this importance and promotes it from within. The potential for creativity, happiness and abundance becomes limitless. Like attracts like, so you become a magnet of all that is good. When difficulty does arise, view it as a positive challenge, a puzzle or mystery to be solved. Do this for yourself, promote it in your workplace.

Growth or decay – what is your choice?

How To Get Grounded in Emotional Times

Image via Wikipedia

Have you felt a bit emotional lately? Or have you noticed it in your coworkers or patients? The world has been a bit unsettled lately. There are plenty of theories as to why, but regardless of the reason – you want to stay grounded. That means finding your centered rational mind that is intuitive, more stable and calm. That is where you can find peace, wisdom and courage.

Commit to any or all of these suggestions a minimum of 5 minutes every day and you will be amazed at the changes. By staying practiced, you will be prepared at a moments notice to find this place again. When you commit to it and notice the changes, you may find it worthwhile to do it even longer because you enjoy it and it becomes a priority in your life that you do not want to do without. I personally found it life changing and life saving. During a time of great distress, this was what saved me from emotional overload and overcare burnout.

If you experience negative chemistry from stress and anxiety long enough, it can get harder and harder to come back to center. Do not let it get to that point, it sneaks up on you before you know it. Everyone thinks they are tough and not at risk for depression and mental breakdowns. Hear this loud and clear, everyone has a breaking point!

Try any one or combination for a minimum of 5 minutes/day:

• Breathe from your stomach and not your chest slowly, trying to eventually slow down and stretch the breaths out. With practice it is amazing how very slow you can do it.
• You may want to try playing relaxing music to help focus and relax.
• Slow down your busy brain. It may be hard at first, but be patient. Observe rather than judge or get frustrated.
• Feel and observe your pulse. It helps you tune in and focus on your body.
• Try counting your breaths. Inhale for 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 4. Over time the exhale will get longer and longer, seeming like it could go on forever.

If these are too difficult for the more active person, try doing any of these while walking, running or biking. Also any of the martial arts can help you find a mind-body connection. Yoga allows you to move while connecting with your breathing. And doing anything in nature can also help you find your center.

Being grounded or centered feels like when you say aahhhhhhh, only deeper. You are able to let go of all fear, anxiety and stress. It is like a wave in the ocean just takes it away, or the sunshine melting it from you, or the green grass and trees breathing new energy into you. Whatever your version is, you feel more supported and less likely to over react emotionally. You are stronger and able to stay present and focused on the task at hand rather than worrying about the past or the future.

Practice these for yourself, share with your friends, family and patients. It is this groundedness that will enable us to better support each other and be positive agents of change in our own communities and workplaces! Ommmmmmm

Does Your Opinion Have a Grip on You?

To be in the grip of an opinion means to be in the grip of your mind and mistaking that for who you are in essence.  – Eckhart Tolle

WOW – This is so true! I like to ask people if they are married to their opinions. It’s funny, yet it can put a little perspective on it. Just how important is it to you? Are you married to that opinion til death do you part? Or are you willing to step back and take a look at your interpretation of the facts? Would you consider that there might be more information than you were aware of? Some people get so wrapped up defending their opinion that they lose who they are by nature; curious and intelligent, strong and empathetic. They defend it so strongly that they take ownership of it and why?

How do we see this showing up in healthcare today?

-Look at general opinions regarding alternative or holistic healthcare. They have greatly changed for the better, yet there are some that will not even hear of it.

– In the work setting, are new ideas embraced or shot down right away?

– Do you make a judgement about a patient or client before getting all of the info?

– Do we respect patient choices regarding their treatment?

– When problem solving are we open to all options, or only concerned with our own?

I am not sure how this defensiveness came about. There seems to be this strong need to be ‘right’. What happened to we’re all in this together and that’s how we learn? All of the great leaders and inventors, they changed their perspectives all the time based on the new information that they were recieving. Without that, they wouldn’t have achieved their greatness and successes.

Always ask questions regarding other viewpoints and why? What are their experiences? Where did they get their info? You want to get outside the box! That is where the beauty is. That is where you are creative, evolving, and connecting! Open yourself up and feel the freedom of growth.

Steps to Finding the Middleground

It seems that lately many people are very passionate about their opinions and are quite certain that they are in the ‘right’. Have you run into that at work, with patients, family or friends? In this type of situation, I have found that it is really quite difficult to have a productive discussion on the subject at hand. But I have found something that does work quite well.

You see when someone is that committed to a subject, you have to be curious as to what makes them feel that way. People get all hot under the collar about issues for a reason, not because it’s fun or for gest. So my proposal is to start asking them serious inquisitive questions to explain what makes them so passionate or certain about their position. There may be many angles that you were not aware of or had not considered. As soon as you can learn more about the why and the how’s, the sooner that you can begin to understand their perspective. You want them to teach you what they know, how they got there, about their experiences. It’s all about putting yourself in their shoes, to try to see their perspective. That is where the magic happens.

You can start to empathise with them, or have compassion for their cause. When you can reflect that back to them so that they know they have been heard, they can then consider a conversation. Hopefully by the time you understand their perspective, you have a lot more insight as to whether you now agree with it, can find a possible compromise, or with your experience may have some info that you want to share with them. By staying calm, factual, and curious, leaving emotions at the door, your likelihood of progress increase.

At the end of the day, when people can not converse there is no progress. My mantra is that the Middleground will be our saving grace. And our heroes and heroines will be everyone that contributes to finding it. Every day we have the opportunity to listen, encourage and reassure people to move in that direction. I believe it can be done.

Enjoy the following quotes. They speak volumes of wisdom from across the ages.

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Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?  – Henry David Thoreau

Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.  – Rachel Naomi Remen

Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. ln those transparent moments we know other people’s joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own.  – Fritz Williams

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When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other’s behavior, we have no enemies.  – Marshall Rosenberg

The Value of an Olive Branch

In a previous blog I mentioned the importance of an apology. According to Wikipedia the olive branch has become a symbol of peace and goodwill. The ability to open the lines of communication and diplomacy is a wonderful gift and a talent that can be cultivated. By offering an apology, it’s like an olive branch, you have the potential to move mountains.

With an apology, many people worry that they are admitting responsibility for the problem, they feel weak, and that they have just given the other person the other upper hand. I suggest it is just the opposite! When an apology is offered, there are several things that happen. First you have the benefit of surprise – most people don’t expect it. The opposition was prepared for battle, yet it is difficult to argue with an apology. So you may have actually thrown a wrench in their ‘plan of attack’. And that can create a window of opportunity. It can stop a certain ‘line of thinking’, and open the mind to the possibilities of what can happen next. It can also level the playing field, showing a willingness to meet someone half way. You are saying that you are open to more than just your version of the story. By offering an apology, your intent is that you are truly sorry that there was a misunderstanding and are interested in resolving it. I think that it also asks for respect. It takes a big person to offer an apology. The benefits are so numerous, it is a missed opportunity if you don’t occasionally try it on.

The apology used as an olive branch for peace is a magical thing. Work it, mold it, master it! It’s a critical tool in conflict resolution. Has it worked for you?

5 Steps to Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution - meeting in the middle

 

“People asking questions, lost in confusion, well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions.”
John Lennon

Great words from a man of vision. It appears to me that our task is to find a way to open communication allowing everyone the possibility of seeing solutions. As healthcare providers we can be facilitators, leaders down the path of win-win situations.

1. Acknowledge and apologize for the misunderstanding. When you apologize you are not necessarily taking full responsibility or saying that the conflict was all your fault. You are offering an olive branch. An apology can help lower the other persons defenses so that you can open the door to communication.

2. Listen. In all conflicts listening is a critical step toward resolution. By being open to hearing the other side of the story, you can better understand how it happened in the first place and then take steps toward resolution.  Many times people just need to vocalize their feelings to feel heard. Once they have felt heard, it is easier to lighten the grip on their belief and be able to consider other possibilities.

3. Explain and be present. Explain what your intention was so that they can understand where you were coming from. By understanding no harm was intended, they can let go of their ‘pain body’ as Eckart Tolle  taught us. Being present allows us to be more aware and open to options. It’s important for all parties to realize that they were doing the best they could with the information that they had. The goal is for all sides being present in the ‘now’ and agreeable to resolution.

4. Review and Brainstorm. This is a good time for both parties to review the facts of what happened, and what your goals are. At this point, it is very helpful to try to stay neutral and open to all possibilities. You don’t want to be married to any particular viewpoint. This is where compromise and negotiation can happen. Brainstorming ideas together can be exciting and further enhance the relationship.  After establishing your goals, together you can prioritize  the order of importance of execution.

5. Resolution and action. Having completed the earlier steps, you can formulate and formalize your agreed solution. Don’t forget to recognize and celebrate your joint successes. You get more of what you focus on – do a happy dance!

Conflict resolution is a key part of our journey as human beings.  There are inspirations all around us pointing the way as you review our history, business, sports, music, art….

– Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.  ~Vince Lombardi

– Coming together is a beginning.  Keeping together is progress.  Working together is success.  ~Henry Ford

– It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn’t matter who gets the credit.  ~Author Unknown

Make sure to chime in your thoughts – they matter!