It seems that lately many people are very passionate about their opinions and are quite certain that they are in the ‘right’. Have you run into that at work, with patients, family or friends? In this type of situation, I have found that it is really quite difficult to have a productive discussion on the subject at hand. But I have found something that does work quite well.
You see when someone is that committed to a subject, you have to be curious as to what makes them feel that way. People get all hot under the collar about issues for a reason, not because it’s fun or for gest. So my proposal is to start asking them serious inquisitive questions to explain what makes them so passionate or certain about their position. There may be many angles that you were not aware of or had not considered. As soon as you can learn more about the why and the how’s, the sooner that you can begin to understand their perspective. You want them to teach you what they know, how they got there, about their experiences. It’s all about putting yourself in their shoes, to try to see their perspective. That is where the magic happens.
You can start to empathise with them, or have compassion for their cause. When you can reflect that back to them so that they know they have been heard, they can then consider a conversation. Hopefully by the time you understand their perspective, you have a lot more insight as to whether you now agree with it, can find a possible compromise, or with your experience may have some info that you want to share with them. By staying calm, factual, and curious, leaving emotions at the door, your likelihood of progress increase.
At the end of the day, when people can not converse there is no progress. My mantra is that the Middleground will be our saving grace. And our heroes and heroines will be everyone that contributes to finding it. Every day we have the opportunity to listen, encourage and reassure people to move in that direction. I believe it can be done.
Enjoy the following quotes. They speak volumes of wisdom from across the ages.
Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant? – Henry David Thoreau
Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing. – Rachel Naomi Remen
Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. ln those transparent moments we know other people’s joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own. – Fritz Williams
When we understand the needs that motivate our own and other’s behavior, we have no enemies. – Marshall Rosenberg
Healing in Healthcare 