Resolve Conflict by Staying Present

I recently had a patient tell me that they didn’t know if they would be able to continue coming to our dental office due to what I would consider social issues. The way that you respond and interpret these type of statements can make all the difference. And I’d say that it applies to both business and personal relationships.

One staff member stated that they took personal offense to the statement. My perspective on what some people consider attacks or assaults of character is one of my biggest personal a-ha moments. This patient’s concerns could be a reflection of what is going on in their life. It is always important to review and see if there’s anything in your healthcare delivery system that needs revision. Not going into a defensive mode is imperative, getting upset about how could they say such a thing…  can take you out of the ‘present’ moment.

I suggest giving your full attention and listening to the persons concerns with no interjections. By being present and tuning in to what they are saying you can learn quite a bit about their perspective. When they are done, you can say that you are sorry that they are so upset. You can ask if there is anything you can say or do that would improve the situation. But giving any type of explanation could be risky. It probably depends on the complexity of the event and whether it is easily remedied or not. Attempting to stay neutral and methodical can save the day on this one.

If you get upset and reactive, it helps promote the emotional energy of the situation. Understanding that you may not have all of the information surrounding their emotional response can allow you to be empathetic. There can be a dozen factors contributing to the situation. By remaining neutral and supportive, you greatly decrease the risk of a heated exchange. You also increase the odds that after the moment has passed that the person will be able to get over it and continue the relationship. My favorite mantra is that it’s mostly likely not about you, it’s probably about them and their life. As Eckhart Tolle taught us; avoid the painbody and remain present. It makes all the difference in the world.

5 Steps to Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution - meeting in the middle

 

“People asking questions, lost in confusion, well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions.”
John Lennon

Great words from a man of vision. It appears to me that our task is to find a way to open communication allowing everyone the possibility of seeing solutions. As healthcare providers we can be facilitators, leaders down the path of win-win situations.

1. Acknowledge and apologize for the misunderstanding. When you apologize you are not necessarily taking full responsibility or saying that the conflict was all your fault. You are offering an olive branch. An apology can help lower the other persons defenses so that you can open the door to communication.

2. Listen. In all conflicts listening is a critical step toward resolution. By being open to hearing the other side of the story, you can better understand how it happened in the first place and then take steps toward resolution.  Many times people just need to vocalize their feelings to feel heard. Once they have felt heard, it is easier to lighten the grip on their belief and be able to consider other possibilities.

3. Explain and be present. Explain what your intention was so that they can understand where you were coming from. By understanding no harm was intended, they can let go of their ‘pain body’ as Eckart Tolle  taught us. Being present allows us to be more aware and open to options. It’s important for all parties to realize that they were doing the best they could with the information that they had. The goal is for all sides being present in the ‘now’ and agreeable to resolution.

4. Review and Brainstorm. This is a good time for both parties to review the facts of what happened, and what your goals are. At this point, it is very helpful to try to stay neutral and open to all possibilities. You don’t want to be married to any particular viewpoint. This is where compromise and negotiation can happen. Brainstorming ideas together can be exciting and further enhance the relationship.  After establishing your goals, together you can prioritize  the order of importance of execution.

5. Resolution and action. Having completed the earlier steps, you can formulate and formalize your agreed solution. Don’t forget to recognize and celebrate your joint successes. You get more of what you focus on – do a happy dance!

Conflict resolution is a key part of our journey as human beings.  There are inspirations all around us pointing the way as you review our history, business, sports, music, art….

– Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.  ~Vince Lombardi

– Coming together is a beginning.  Keeping together is progress.  Working together is success.  ~Henry Ford

– It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn’t matter who gets the credit.  ~Author Unknown

Make sure to chime in your thoughts – they matter!