Healthcare – Iyanla Vanzant on Anger
Iyanla Vanzant just shared an amazing discussion about healing anger. Because it was so good I took some notes included below. I hope that you find something of value here too. When we heal ourselves then we can heal our lives, and also the lives of those around us.
Notes from Iyanla Vanzant on Super Soul Sunday
We have 2 primary emotions; love and fear. Anger is a manifestation of fear. And there are 4 primary fears:
- – fear of losing someone’s love or having your love rejected
- – fear of being helpless, hopeless or powerless; being perceived as weak or vulnerable
- – fear of losing control of self or others, what will happen or how will it happen
- fear of not being seen as valuable or worthy
We get angry because it makes us feel in control because we are afraid to go into the hurt. You are never angry for the reason that you think that you are. Rather than be angry, try going deep into the hurt to actually feel it and be vulnerable to it. That is how you go through the pain and can come out on the other side to find the love.
Whether you have been angry for a short time or many years, can you say that you are proud of the energy that you are putting out into the world/universe right now? If not, then stop and change it. Because the anger that you are feeling is about you and your past experiences, and how you perceive it all. You have the ability and choice to change that for the better right this very instant! Create what and how you want it to be rather than staying stuck in what you believe you did not have or receive. Doesn’t that sound really freeing?!
Sample story: A woman said that she had forgiven her father for abandoning her as a child. Iyanla said that work wasn’t done yet, because there was still judgement left in that statement. The woman did not know for certain the real reason that her father left her, perhaps God moved him on because he was crazy and would have done her more harm staying in her life. It is the judgement that she made believing that her father abandoned her that was actually causing her the anger and pain. So instead Iyanla suggested saying that “she forgives herself for judging her father for abandoning her….” .
The ego has many tools to keep us in judgement when the truth is that we are all just doing the best that we can. If she had known and understood her fathers reason for leaving, there may have never been any anger, there may have been compassion or gratitude instead. Examples of how our ego keeps us in judgement is our perception of:
- good or bad
- right or wrong
- should or should not
- fair and unfair
When you are feeling anger, take the time to go back and try to understand the reason for your hurt. Look at the 4 primary fears and see if you can recognize your fear. And is it really seated in that issue, or projected from a hurt that occurred even earlier than that? It’s about understanding you and not blaming someone else for what you are feeling.
Iyanla Vanzant has several books out, and every interview that I have seen her in has been simply eye opening. She has great wisdom and insight that can help us all move on to better lives. Thank you Iyanla!